Lamontami very sweetly asked me recently what Bahrain could to do to win me back (on my declaring my intention to stay in Italy); it seems that all that was necessary was to send me to Britain. Now I miss Bahrain!
There’s nothing particularly complicated behind this change in position. I hadn’t left Bahrain in almost two years, so I really needed a change of environment. I adore Italy, and have some great friends there. The month there was followed by a wonderful five days meeting interesting people in Budapest.
Then I came back to the UK, to Cardiff, which is a lovely city, but where I have no friends (having never lived and worked here). My friends are mostly in Birmingham or London. So suddenly I am missing my life in Bahrain, and my friends there. Actually I need this quiet time at my mother’s to sort out and catch up with a whole load of things, so I’m grateful for it, but it’s just a big change from all the socialising and fun that has kept me busy for the last month.
However, I must admit that I feel a little removed from life in Britain. In Budapest someone asked me if I was looking forward to coming back to the UK, and I facetiously answered that I was looking forward to watching TV (I choose not to have a TV in Bahrain). But apparently I have got out of the habit of watching, or have lost my imperviousness to all the trashy programmes produced these days, because I can’t even enjoy that. (The only thing worth watching at the moment is Rafael Nadal, uh, I mean Wimbledon.)
I do like Britain, but I am curious as to why I feel a distance from life here. I wonder if you need to feel connected to people, to friends, around you to feel connected to a place. Yet there are many aspects to ‘belonging’, and it is possible to feel a sense of belonging even as a visitor.
In Italy I ‘belonged’ as a tourist in some places, or in other places felt connected through family or friends. I think there is also an element of belonging through shared sensibility, perhaps imagined, but a feeling nonetheless. You just know whether you fit in somewhere.
In Budapest I felt totally disconnected from the society around me. That was largely my fault; I didn’t try to learn any Hungarian before going, I hadn’t looked at any guidebooks, in fact the only preparation I had done was to check how to get from the train station to the hotel. I actually feel uncomfortable visiting countries where I cannot speak even a little of the language or understand signs and so on. Not only do I feel disconnected, and even parasitic, but I also feel quite vulnerable.
I’d like to know how other people feel when visiting other countries. What is it that makes you feel you ‘belong’ or fit in, and what are the things that prevent you from connecting to those societies? Is it an internal process, or does it depend on how a particular society responds to you?
10 comments:
I think it's clearly both. There are some societies we simply tend to have an affinity for, and it's not always the ones we were born into (this is the engine that has driven the US's immigration over the last two centuries). But I've also found that knowing local people, and having positive experiences, goes a long way toward how you feel about a place.
For example, I loved Budapest because I already knew some people there who could show me around and get me out of the touristy areas. But I'm not so sure I like *visitin* Budapest because of the nasty experience I had coming home.
I would say rather that our experiences of a place are much better determined by how we feel after bad experiences. I had several truly terrible times in Kazakhstan, but I left loving the country dearly. That to me says more than whether or not you enjoy visiting it.
Good point. Regarding the US, I suppose one person’s affinity is another’s economic opportunity :)
While I wish to think that it's too early for me to say whether I "belonged" in Budapest or not, I also think that in my case, the question may be more about what I learned, or didn't, from the visit. I failed to hear back from two Hungarian colleagues I first met in 1997 at the University of Iowa, and as a result I did not interact with any Hungarian person during the entire visit. That left me a bit depressed. But it was abundantly made up for by the GV folks and the general camaraderie of the summit.
I'm into the intellectual history of ideas, therefore Hungary gave me a wonderful opportunity to read up a little on what communism looked like in that country, which I have continued since returning. To me that's more important than whether I fit in or not. No doubt it would have been even lovelier had I been able to fit in with a few Hungarian people. Besides, I learned a few Hungarian words, which I may probably never have to use again, but it was nice to say them a couple of times and hear Hungarians respond warmly.
Hi Steve! It did feel very strange going to a country and not meeting any local people at all. But as you say, we made up for it by engaging with people from all over the world.
While I don’t think my reading will be quite as intellectual as yours, I’ve got some novels by Hungarian authors lined up, through which I hope to get more of an understanding of Hungarian history and society.
That's even better than me, Ayesha. The only novelist with Hungarian heritage I have read is Tibor Fischer, whom I also met in Iowa in 1997. But he was born in Britain and lives there. I'll look forward to your discussions of the novels as you read them. I'll probably take your cue and some as well.
Being a total loner by nature (and an only child, I suppose), I judge how I fit into my surroundings more on how well I can get around than how well I can fit into the culture.
I suppose this may have to do with the fact that the first foreign culture I lived in, Morocco, was one that didn't really offer a segment of society for people like myself (at least not outside of Rabat and Casablanca!) and so, knowing I'd never truly fit in, I instead chose to learn the language, bargain with my mul al hanout, and argue with my neighbors (eventually I found friends, but I think I'd eventually find friends anywhere).
Anyway, I don't know if that answered your question, but it is an interesting- and complex - question!
Jillian
That's a very practical approach that has obviously worked well for you. I like to find spaces where I feel I belong - but nowadays on my own terms rather than having them dictated to me, if that makes sense.
I only feel a sense of belonging within the four walls of my own home. I feel like an outsider wherever I am. The land of my birth (Bahrain), the land of my citizenship (India) and every place I've visited. But I've found that it's okay to feel like an outsider, and that I can love even if I don't belong.
That's beautiful, Nazu.
have to say that i feel like Nazu. even when i go to the States now, i feel like an outsider looking in.
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